I open the small ornate box and run my fingers over the smooth pearls.
An energy surges through me, like a jolt of electricity, triggering visions of lifetimes past.
Chilled, I wrap my red sweater around me tighter.
One thing I‘ve learned, is that no matter the circumstance -
whether we wish to freeze a joyous moment forever, or can’t bear the thought of life continuing without someone we’ve lost -
time still goes on.
At an early age I knew I was different,
always feeling things in a very big way,
stronger and deeper than most.
A “gift” that has often left me feeling alone and uncertain as to where I belonged... incomplete; and I longed for something, or someone, to make me feel whole.
Passion coursed through these veins like the Mississippi; there was something inside me I could not name.
Like a burning flame, whatever it was drew people to me like moths -
awe-stricken by this ever-glowing light, happy to feel just a little of its warmth -
and this heart of mine, bursting with love, was all too happy to oblige.
I’ve only ever wanted to make people feel good about themselves; to know their worth.
Every relationship was entered with my whole heart.
Not looking for perfection, I fell for those with a damaged past, like mine.
As much as I was looking for someone to save me,
I wanted to be the One to save them -
praising their existence, anointing them with spikenard oil.
And in the end, it was the tears I cried - heartbroken at having failed, at once again not being enough, and being alone -
that finally cleansed them.
They would move on - I would remain
The world I knew ceased - Time would go on
I wouldn’t give my love to just anyone.
But when I did, I gave it all.
There were times I was robbed;
A nefarious creature here and there, drunk with lust and greed, attempting to extinguish this fire within.
Disheartened in these moments I would withdraw, feeling repentant and hopeless.
But my flame remained and with each day grew brighter until I could once again feel its warmth, and remember who I was…
Maybe now a relic, but my very name in this life means strength, and I feel it every time the wind catches my hair.
After all these years, and lives,
lovers past and present,
ghosts and demons tagging each other in taking turns,
I’ve finally found my true love…
I take one last look at those pearls,
close the box,
let that last sip of whiskey roll over my tongue,
and join my son for the game of Sorry he has set up for us.
For He is the one constant,
the missing piece,
my center of gravity -
the love of my life -
And through him my legacy will live on.
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©️VMLM13 Whiskey + Empathy 2020